“The whole is g…

“The whole is greater the sum of its parts” – Anonymous

“The soul is greater than the hum of its farts” – Justin Alva

Ajmal Kasab: Why India needs to build a monument to commemorate his death.

Ajmal Kasab without his goat. Feeling very lonely in station.

The Indian populace is very rarely united in their love for anyone. If Maharashtra loved the man, the rest of India didn’t. If he was a terror to the rich folk, operating from the deep forests of the Nilgiri mountains, only the villagers respected and admired him, and perhaps, loved him.

And then one day, a fine young gentleman came along, from our friendly neighbour Pakistan. Mr. Ajmal Kasab. Even the mosquitos loved him.

Mr. Kasab. He captured the heart of every Indian. That iconic pose with his AK-47 had the poignancy of a celebrated cricketer, although the goat herd that he probably was, gave away that bestiality fetish that seemed to glow on his face. And even the freshness of the rich Punjabi plains that he hailed from failed to remove the stench of Bovine lust.

Today morning, they executed him. Just like they executed Jesus 2000 years ago. The non-believers, the infidels that we are. They have slayed a martyr who sacrificed his life for poor ideology. And we need to commemorate this. Build a monument that will stand the test of time; to remind us every day that life is fleeting and his lonely goat is bleating.

I propose the Maharashtra bury Kasab in a public place, bang in the centre of Mumbai. And on top of it, build a magnificent palatial public pay-for-use toilet. Marble flooring et al.

“Here’s lies Kasab. Spare a drop for the man as you open up in a transcendental piss”

The collections can be used to fund the ATS because one toilet for a city in India is more than one can ask for.

“The best way out is always through.” – Robert Frost

“The best way through is always out.” – Justin Alva

“Constant dripping hollows out a stone.” – Lucretius

“Constant stoning hollows out a drip” – Justin Alva

Why the Nobel Prize was awarded to the European Union

I’m sure by now you would have heard of  this year’s Nobel Prize winner. Don’t worry if you haven’t. It’s something that is of absolutely no consequence to anyone, except the leaders of the European Union. And the people of  the EU of course, assuming they are as deluded as the Nobel Prize committee.

Yes, the European Union, the economic and political union of a continent that has been bombing each other’s asses for the last couple of thousand years and has managed to get by 60 odd years without conflict, has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I understand that they have become a symbol of unity, a testament to the power of working together toward a better world, but bestowing upon the EU the Nobel Prize is surely a joke. But I’m not laughing, perhaps because it is a joke that only the superior white man understands and not a brown-assed South Asian like myself.

It puzzled me, you know, the awarding of this supposedly prestigious prize. But when the likes of  Yasser Arafat, Henry Kissinger, Barack Obama etc receive it, the prize no longer any valuable than the toilet paper in a public toilet.

I know why they won it. The EU is a crisis. I don’t know the first thing about economics, but I do know this. Spain, Portugal, Italy and Greece aren’t exactly swimming in gold at the moment. 40% of the youth in Spain are unemployed. Sit back and try and comprehend the enormity of that fact. There is no doubt that the shit has hit the roof and heads are going to roll. And hence the Nobel Peace for the EU because it comes with a healthy $1.2 million. Picture the scene. Ibiza, unlimited buxom young women, the sand between the toes, the best DJ’s, quality blue pills, caviar, expensive liquors, Silvio Berlusconi and old men who just led their countries to ruin given one last party, a farewell of sorts. If you’re going out, might as well do it in style and sponsored at the cost of desecrating a prize that was once revered.

But it is ok. This is only the smallest of their sins. After all, the Nobel Peace is not as bad as taking over continents and nations and stripping them off their resources, dignity and freedom. I can live with that.

“I asked for this noble piece of ass not the Nobel Peace” – Silvio Berlusconi

A place named Ganja

A place named Ganja

This picture was included to intentionally mislead you.

I was reading about Azerbaijan today and saw that there is a city named Ganja. It is the second largest city in the country with a population of 300k+.

Recent surveys indicate that atleast 63.4% of the population is stoned at any given time of the day! This being the case, the government has petitioned UNESCO to make the wonderful city of Ganja a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Ok, I just fabricated the survey. But Ganja in Azerbaijan does exist! And for the curious who can’t find the time to read the wiki page, it has nothing to with cannabis in any form. They don’t grow or wholesale your favorite weed so you might as well cancel that ticket you planned on booking for your next vacation.

Anyways, that made search for other cities in the world with druggy names. After a lame attempt at searching I found a quiz which tested my knowledge of generic medical drugs and cities. While I’m not a fan of the medicine yellowpages, I thought I’d atleast be able to identify cities.

Sad to say, I scored a measly 24 as they were kind enough to point that out in a teasing ‘You just got 24 answers correct!’

Think you can better it? Go here -> Attempt at beating Justin #207.

After you lose, please do come back and grovel about your ineptitude. If, by the fate of the 17 heavens of West Assyria’s worst public toilet, you do win and return to gloat, I will put out a hit on you.

Not  hit from a bong…damn you, you pot-bellied pot-head for misinterpreting.

iPad3 Launch

So there was a lot of speculation about the new features in the iPad3. The usual talk of the retina display blah blah blah.

And then there was this from GigaOm which suggested that the iPad3 might enable you to feel onscreen objects and that the iPad3 could touch you back.

Few minutes back, the iPad3 launched and well, some great stuff on it, but for all you folks who thought that the iPad3 could help you, ahem, ‘touch yourself’, Apple is sorry to say that this technology is not yet available for your device, I mean, on their device.

I managed to, however, get a few insights as to upcoming Apple products from top executives. ‘The iTouch myself every morning’ will be out later this year and will ship with a free ‘(V)iBrator’ helping people pair their devices more efficiently and take it to the next level of cloud (9).

Companionship

I need a beer.

A beer needs me.

World Book Fair 2012

I love books. Even if I don’t read them. In the past 2 years I’ve bought quite a few yet read only 25% of them. This is one of the only over-indulgences that never makes me feel guilty. Unfortunately, it’s in Delhi and I’m in Bangalore. I’d love to have gotten broke there :P!

The organization I work with Indian Sports Books has a stall there. It’s a stall dedicated to, well, sports. If you’re in Delhi, drop in. There’s loads of goodies and freebies bundled with the books.

Oh and pick something for me :)! I’ll pay you with beer. Cheers!

Poster for exhibition

If the green is too bright it’s because you need to view in an image viewer.

Poster by Nikhil Furtado of Hidden Reflections.

Maligned Rip-offs of Successful Businesses

I like using Flipkart. They have a decent collection of books and they offer quality service. Their checkout system is efficient and customer service is pretty good. So good, that I’ve had to only ever use it once so far. Yet at times, I see people complain about how Flipkart is a rip-off of Amazon. I totally agree with the rip-off part. What I don’t get is the complaining.

I’m nowhere near as good as I need to be in order to analyse businesses. However, I think I have sufficient reason to opine that rip-offs are completely alright. Agreed, there may be barely any innovation, differences in products, services and operation, yet I still believe that if you pull of a good marketing strategy, or choose the right set of customers to sell your product to, or even name your product appropriately, you’re doing good. Innovation is brilliant. Competition is brilliant because it drives innovation. Rip-offs are good because it means competition.

I’ll take Flipkart as an example. Because I’m familiar with it and so are others.

Flipkart, supposedly, copycatted everything from Amazon. From the UI through to what it does/offers blah blah. Umm.. people (haters), how else do you run e-commerce? Amazon tried and tested their UI for a millenia to finally perfect it. It made a lot of sense. Perhaps they got it from analytics, or maybe from behavioral consultants or maybe just plain experience. Flipkart didn’t want to spend the time or money to discover that the Amazon UI works. They just replicated it, and decided to improve on from there. It’s simple. Someone sets the precedent, others follow. Do you follow? And then their working model. I mean seriously, how can you be radically different from another e-commerce company. Note, I’m not talking about internal functioning. I’m not privy to such information and not many are. And it has no relation to the discussion at hand.

Flipkart did innovate however, in their own little way. They adopted Amazon to the Indian business and consumer ecosystem. They didn’t like being charged like a Bangalore rickshaw by the courier companies and decided to build their own delivery model. That in turn will be copied by other Indian e-commerce companies. Which is a good thing.

Rip-offs exist for many reasons. Maybe there is a huge fucking market that hasn’t been tapped (was Amazon in India??), maybe whoever was in the market wasn’t doing a good enough job, maybe they were doing a good enough job but someone felt they could do more than that, or maybe the rival product/service was overpriced. Rip-offs exist. I can’t see any way they destroy the marketplace. In fact, they make it more competitive and consumer-friendly.

I wish I could give more examples. Unfortunately, it is the morning. I don’t think very well at this time of the day. Especially with very less sleep last night and this whole week in general. Oh, and I don’t know much anyways.

The catalyst for this article was reading this: http://www.pluggd.in/freshdesk-pricing-297/

I had heard of the transaction between Zendesk CEO and Freshdesk.

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